How to Deal With a Heartbreak Hangover

hearts

We’ve all been there. We’ll all be there again. Heartbreak.

That time when you feel as unsexy as humanly possible. If you’re like me you put on your fuzzy pajamas, rent the cheesiest Nicholas Sparks-inspired film and order a large pepperoni pizza to go along with your even larger bottle of wine.

We all have some version of a heartbreak ritual but the commonality, especially amongst women is usually stuffing your face without any filter.

I’m not here to tell you not to eat that tub of ice cream. On the contrary, feel it to the max, Sister. Mope, cry and if you’re like me, get drunk on the couch with a box of tissues.

Today, I want to give you some tips on how to handle the gluten/dairy/alcohol/sugar/heartbreak hangover. When you do finally decide to go back out there and conquer, you’ll need to fuel your depleted body with good nutrients.

No guilt allowed

Do not wake up and guilt yourself about all the shit you just did to your body. There’s no point. You’ll only feel worse. Be compassionate and give yourself a break. You woke up today ready to conquer. Don’t let that voice in your head take you right back to the fridge.

Hydrate and Alkaline-ize

Squeeze half a lemon into water. The heartburn from all that red wine may scream “You’re crazy!” but trust me it’s the answer to jumpstarting your system and bringing your digestive tract back to an alkaline state. People think lemon is acidic, when in fact it turns very alkaline when broken down.

Drink your ‘Buch

Before you run to that coffeemaker and brew a jug of goodness, force yourself to drink one small glass of Kombucha tea. The ancient Chinese called it a miracle elixir because of its detoxification, anti-oxidant, energizing, immune boosting properties. Most importantly, Kombucha tea which is a fermented raw drink filled with probiotics, will restore the natural flora of your stomach. This is especially beneficial if you are lactose and gluten intolerant and just spent a week eating mac n cheese and 3 large pizzas.

Replenish those tears

After all those hours of crying, you may want to grab yourself some coconut water and replenish all those lost electrolytes. Coconut water is also the only other compound on earth that has the exact same molecular composition as human plasma (i.e. our white blood cells.) It’s so freakin awesome that in third world countries it is used intravenously. It will also keep away nausea which you’ll need as you clean out any leftover relationship items out of your life.

Vitamin L

Make a lunch date with a good friend at a healthy restaurant. Yes, you may still be inclined to order a mimosa but at least try to aim for the salad so you can remind your body what greens feel like. Take a multi-vitamin with the meal and get yourself a few doses of Vitamin L (ove) for dessert by asking for a few hugs from your friend.

Slowly, you will sizzle your way back into Siren-dom.