Normal
0
false
false
false
EN-US
JA
X-NONE
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:”Table Normal”;
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:””;
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
JUICE CLEANSE DAY 1
8AM
Wake up and make myself a HUGE glass of water and ½ a lemon. Gulp half of it down and then feel like a whale. Force the other half. Open my fridge and glance at my beautifully-arranged juices. Take a pic. This is gonna be fun!
8:01AM
Stare at the coffee maker and try to remember whether I separated from coffee my last cleanse. Nah, I never do.
Decide to brew a half caff coffee by mixing my regular with my decaf. Just the brewing smell makes me happy.
I pour myself ½ a cup which is the recommended cheat size and think “Great I’m starting off just right”. But a girl has shit to do so ¼ of her regular morning caffeine is gonna have to happen.
“Do I want the first juice yet?” Nope. Let’s do email.
10:03AM
Done my morning emails. Detecting some hunger. Pop open bottle 1. Yumm Green goodness.
2PM
Wait, why did I use up my coffee credit this morning?!?! Crankiness ensues.
5:15PM
Hmm maybe 4 hours of teaching pole dancing isn’t the best idea right now. I’m feeling sort of woozy.
10:30PM
Back from teaching. Misery at its peak. My headache is offffff the charts right now. Nausea. Writing takes too much energy. Thinking takes too much energy. I hope I wake up better.
11:30PM
As I deliriously sip warm vegetable broth, I think about starving African children and feel like a yuppy idiot. Still, I give gratitude to the veggie broth (which is technically a cheat), put some lavender essence on my temples, take a deep breath and hide under the covers.
DAY 2
7:30AM
My alarm rings. FUCK YOU. NO WAY.
Snooze twice, notice my headache is still alive and well and decide I’m taking the morning off.
11AM
Ok this is ridiculous, I need to get up.
I start checking morning emails while cradling my first juice with no intent of drinking it because I’m so nauseated. I look sadly at my coffee machine, not wanting to make the same mistake I did yesterday by using my coffee credit too early in the day.
12PM
Drink first juice. Stare at coffee machine. Drink more water, stare at work.
Decide to make coffee. (1/2 cup of half-caff).
12:01PM
I want to die. I announce this on FB.
12:03PM
Coffee, I love you. Don’t ever leave me. I drink ½ a cup. I’ve never been this grateful.
12:05PM
Life still sucks.
12:06PM
I really thought this would be easier this time around since I’ve been so good with my food intake the last 6 months. Yet somehow it’s feeling 10 times more miserable than I remember it to be. I stare at the wall and remember shitty things ex boyfriends did to me.
1PM
I take a shower and decide sunshine and a coffee shop will help my concentration.
1:45PM
I suddenly feel realllllly good. I run to the coffee shop to ride what I think is a caffeine high.
1:45-4:45PM
That clarity thing BluePrint was talking about has happened. I am working like a mad woman with SO MUCH concentration. Pack up to head to a meeting but all I want to do is keep working.
Rest of the day zips by. I go to bed before midnight feeling just fine.
DAY 3
I wake up needing no coffee, just lots of water. I happily gulp down a green juice and get ready to go teach a class again. Feel much better than day 1. Have all the energy I need and don’t feel dizzy.
3PM
Skype meeting. I’m clear-headed. I wish I could go through life feeling this way AND eating.
5PM
I start to dream about the guacamole and hummus I get to eat the next day.
8PM
I cheat with a seltzer because I’m at a concert. I spend the concert jone-sing for my final cashew milk.
11PM
Get home drink it and go right to sleep, despite the clear instructions to wait 2 hours after your last juice to retire. Fuck that. I want to wake up as soon as possible.
8AM
Wake up reallllllly hungry. Yay! Food! All I want in life is an avocado! I run to the store and of course every single avocado they have is as unripe as my love life. I run to another store that’s open at this time on a Sunday and of course every avocado at that store is TOO ripe.
And that’s how the universe messes with you!
*** So now you’re probably asking, so wait, why are you juicing? I’ll answer that tomorrow!