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JUICE A CLEANSING AGENT

September 9th, 2013 | no comments

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JUICE CLEANSE DAY 1

8AM

Wake up and make myself a HUGE glass of water and ½ a lemon. Gulp half of it down and then feel like a whale. Force the other half. Open my fridge and glance at my beautifully-arranged juices. Take a pic. This is gonna be fun!

8:01AM

Stare at the coffee maker and try to remember whether I separated from coffee my last cleanse. Nah, I never do.

Decide to brew a half caff coffee by mixing my regular with my decaf. Just the brewing smell makes me happy.

I pour myself ½ a cup which is the recommended cheat size and think “Great I’m starting off just right”. But a girl has shit to do so ¼ of her regular morning caffeine is gonna have to happen.

“Do I want the first juice yet?” Nope. Let’s do email.

10:03AM

Done my morning emails. Detecting some hunger. Pop open bottle 1. Yumm Green goodness.

2PM

Wait, why did I use up my coffee credit this morning?!?!  Crankiness ensues.

5:15PM

Hmm maybe 4 hours of teaching pole dancing isn’t the best idea right now. I’m feeling sort of woozy.

10:30PM

Back from teaching. Misery at its peak. My headache is offffff the charts right now. Nausea. Writing takes too much energy. Thinking takes too much energy. I hope I wake up better.

11:30PM

As I deliriously sip warm vegetable broth, I think about starving African children and feel like a yuppy idiot. Still, I give gratitude to the veggie broth (which is technically a cheat), put some lavender essence on my temples, take a deep breath and hide under the covers.

DAY 2

7:30AM

My alarm rings. FUCK YOU. NO WAY.

Snooze twice, notice my headache is still alive and well and decide I’m taking the morning off.

11AM

Ok this is ridiculous, I need to get up.

I start checking morning emails while cradling my first juice with no intent of drinking it because I’m so nauseated. I look sadly at my coffee machine, not wanting to make the same mistake I did yesterday by using my coffee credit too early in the day.

12PM

Drink first juice. Stare at coffee machine. Drink more water, stare at work.

Decide to make coffee. (1/2 cup of half-caff).

12:01PM

I want to die. I announce this on FB.

12:03PM

Coffee, I love you. Don’t ever leave me.  I drink ½  a cup.  I’ve never been this grateful.

12:05PM

Life still sucks.

12:06PM

I really thought this would be easier this time around since I’ve been so good with my food intake the last 6 months. Yet somehow it’s feeling 10 times more miserable than I remember it to be. I stare at the wall and remember shitty things ex boyfriends did to me.

1PM

I take a shower and decide sunshine and a coffee shop will help my concentration.

1:45PM

I suddenly feel realllllly good. I run to the coffee shop to ride what I think is a caffeine high.

1:45-4:45PM
That clarity thing BluePrint was talking about has happened. I am working like a mad woman with SO MUCH concentration. Pack up to head to a meeting but all I want to do is keep working.

Rest of the day zips by. I go to bed before midnight feeling just fine.

DAY 3

I wake up needing no coffee, just lots of water. I happily gulp down a green juice and get ready to go teach a class again. Feel much better than day 1. Have all the energy I need and don’t feel dizzy.

3PM

Skype meeting. I’m clear-headed. I wish I could go through life feeling this way AND eating.

5PM

I start to dream about the guacamole and hummus I get to eat the next day.

8PM

I cheat with a seltzer because I’m at a concert. I spend the concert jone-sing for my final cashew milk.

11PM

Get home drink it and go right to sleep, despite the clear instructions to wait 2 hours after your last juice to retire. Fuck that. I want to wake up as soon as possible.

8AM

Wake up reallllllly hungry. Yay! Food! All I want in life is an avocado! I run to the store and of course every single avocado they have is as unripe as my love life. I run to another store that’s open at this time on a Sunday and of course every avocado at that store is TOO ripe.

And that’s how the universe messes with you!

*** So now you’re probably asking, so wait, why are you juicing? I’ll answer that tomorrow! 

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Nadia Munla

Sensual Nourishment & Embodied Pleasure

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