It was early into the year. My 2013 goals hung on my corkboard proudly. It listed the usual. More exercise. Getting better about doing my company accounting each quarter. And I even had a spiritual goal. Something about finding a new S-factor class because my regular one had been canceled. In typical New year fervor, I was like “Yeah baby I’m gonna take 2013 by the reigns and be even more productive and awesome than 2012!”

The first few months suddenly passed me by and not much had changed. I still had the usual pile of receipts and my gym shoes hanging out in the same place, untouched.

Then I discovered a little book called THE DESIRE MAP by Danielle LaPorte. I have no idea how it fell into my lap but it literally changed the course of my year, and my life.

THE DESIRE MAP basically told me I had goal-setting all wrong. In a nutshell, Danielle explains that we all need to set our goals from a place of how we WANT to feel, not what we HAVE to do.

Woaw. Instantly my heart sighed and danced a little jig. And instantly my brain went “What a crock of shit. Everyone has to do shit they HAVE to do. I’m never going to want to do my accounting or sit in a hip flexor stretch for fun.”

But the good news was apparently I wasn’t the only one. It was pretty much a global issue

So I read on.  “You’re not chasing the goal itself. You’re chasing the feelings that you hope attaining these goals will give you.” Hmmm, that makes sense said even by brain.

And then she asked me “What I desire?” And before I knew it I was answering with a free flow of words. The short version of my list was that I wanted to feel safe, connected, warm and exhilarated.

I looked back at my 2013 goals. Other than my S factor class, nothing evoked any of these feelings. Instead, I had picked goals that were external. I wanted to stretch because I was scared I wouldn’t be taken seriously as a pole-dancer if I wasn’t flexible. I wanted to have a great accounting system because I wanted to appear in control of my career, which in truth was a complete mess. I was working 24-7 but the company was hemorrhaging money.  And I hated seeing those numbers so I always blew it off.

It’s amazing how different my new desire-based goals were once I figured out how I wanted to feel. I looked at my life and realized I felt completely the opposite of everything I wanted. I was exhausted & stressed. I felt unsafe in my career and in the dating world. I was anything but exhilarated and although I had an apartment that kept me warm, I was definitely not feeling warm on the inside. And the worst part, I was so disconnected from myself, which had caused so much disconnect with the Universe I lived in.

90% of what I derived pleasure from was completing tasks on my list and feeling like a rock star for working like a motherfucker – but you know, an exhausted, lonely motherfucker. But nothing about that seemed that weird. I mean I was surrounded by exhausted, lonely motherfuckers every day. It was the norm to sleep 4 hrs, drink 4 cups of coffee, juggle 4 productions and disappear for 4 months without anyone calling a search party.

When you realize most of your self-worth was based on external circumstances – and you DIDN’T even KNOW it, it’s a HUGE blow. But something shifted for me after reading that book. I quit my day job. I decided to leave producing because it was only feeding the list-making demon in me. I decided to start meditating and to look inward and reframe my life based on desires.

Now in no way am I, or Danielle, condemning list-making. Lists can be great for momentum and keeping yourself on course. What matters is what is on your list & whether your self-worth stems from it. As Danielle calls it: “your inner GPS system”

 This is something we’re going to explore in THE DESIRE MAP Book Club. The global chapters are launching on Jan 7th and I’m leading an online chapter.  It’s completely free and I’m opening up the doors to anyone who is interested in:


·      rebooting their inner GPS system

·      reframing their perspective

·      becoming friends with their heart

·      shifting from goals to intentions

·      learning about the power of feelings

Unlike a traditional book club, these meet-ups will involve activities, worksheets, sharing and community-building all around the concept of desire-mapping. If you’ve read the book and would like to dive in to the new edition (out Jan 1st nationwide), or if you have no idea what I’m talking about but seem super intrigued…

 You can email me at for more details. Our first online meet-up will be on January  7th!

For more info on the book club, or to find a local chapter that meets in person, go to:


As usual, you can find me at:





It’s freakin cold in NYC today so I decided to keep warm & cozy by making a root veggie soup for me and my honey.

The great thing about soups is the prep takes about 15 mins and then you can walk away and do whatever else you wanna do: paint your nails, cuddle or watch an episode of NEW GIRL. 

What you will need:

A mix of root veggies. (I literally bought a bag called root veggie soup mix)

1 tomato

1 zucchini

1 sweet onion

6 fingerling potatoes

tomato paste

1 handful of coriander

1 can of red kidney beans

3 swiss chard leaves

Veggie stock or bouillon

Salt/pepper (if you don’t already have this, we may have a problem)

Olive oil

Cayenne pepper (optional)

Dried Oregano (optional)

As always, I just improvised this with no real recipe to go by. Chop a few parsnips, turnips, carrots, fingerling potatoes into random-sized cubes. Don’t count. I didn’t. 

Then dice an onion, a tomato and a zucchini. 

Saute the onions and coriander in olive oil for 5 minutes.

Add the other veggies. And then just add water until it looks like the right ratio of water to veggies. Measuring is way too overrated. Throw in 2-3 bouillon cubes, 1/2 can of tomato paste (or more to taste), some salt, pepper, oregano etc.

Leave for like 40 mins on medium heat. Come back and add kidney beans and swiss chard for the last 5-10 mins of cooking. Taste and add cayenne for an extra kick.

Nice thing about this, it tastes even better the next day. And it only takes 5 minutes to heat so make a huge batch so you can keep your sexy ass warm all week!