Finally! A Full moon that feels juicy and yummy and full of celebration. We made it through the darkness!
I woke up Sunday morning at 5am to head on over to an awesome Kundalini meditation gathering on the beach. Usually, I’m a ‘no’ to anything that involves me getting out from under the covers while it’s still dark – but I guess watching the sunrise IS the exception.
I came back from there SO full of energy and pumped to create another Embody for your at home practice.
And so today, we are releasing Embody-at-Home Classic Edition 5, which you can buy here.
And guess what else?! We are releasing an Embody-at-Home BUNDLE.
The regular price of an Embody-at-Home is $9.99 but if you buy the Embody-at-Home BUNDLE today, you will get 6 classes for the price of 5!
For $49.99, you get:
+ Embody Chakra Edition (which is an extended Embody class)
AND if it couldn’t get ANY better, I’m throwing in my course The Sexy Six: 6 Weeks to a Hotter, Healthier You for anyone who purchases the bundle THIS WEEK.
(The course is regularly $249 and is great if you are ready to embrace a hassle-free, sustainable healthy way of eating and living. It is an encyclopedia of my favorite tips, tricks and recipes in the kitchen – as well as learning to eat from a place of self-love instead of self-loathing.)
All of these tools for $49.99.
Fall deadlines beginning to creep up?
Back to school season making you crazy already?
Just feeling ready to jump back into motion after that whole summer of planetary muck?
This is a great combo of movement, meditation AND health coaching to help support you, mama.
My dream is that you all are dancing into Fall which is why I put together this package.
Keep rockin’ at life. I see you.
Like many girls, I grew up putting pillows in my t-shirts while daydreaming about having a baby. I remember thinking if I hit the super old age of 30 and wasn’t married, I would adopt a kid on my own. In that daydream, I was totally established and wealthy and able to handle being a single mom. Because I was 30. And that was like OLD.
And this was my back-up plan – because obviously I’d be married by like 27 LATEST and pregnant by 28.
To say I was a planner is an understatement.
My 37th birthday is coming up. And with it comes the haunting sound of a clock ticking every single day. The dread of realizing that I may never be a mom sometimes washes over me with a sadness that surpasses any heartbreak I’ve ever felt. Watching my friends with kids or my friends who are pregnant still overwhelms me with feelings of failure and occasional shame. Like somehow the Universe deemed me not worthy of being a mom.
A few years ago, I thought I was so close I could taste it. I was in a life partnership with a man who I was convinced would be the best father ever. And I was so excited for the day we would be ready to have kids. But that story did not go as planned.
In so much of my coaching work, I try to get clients (and myself) to a place where we can weave together the work of rolling up our sleeves and taking the reigns of our destiny while also knowing (and trusting) the taste of sweet surrender.
My biggest fear is that I will never have a child.
And this is a place in my life where I find myself STILL unable to surrender. I wake up and hear the ticking clock. I go to sleep and hear the ticking clock. I lie in the most blissful of meditations and feel the piercing longing of holding my own child in my arms.
This year has presented me with so many lessons along this same theme. I used to be able to muscle through, push through, work through challenges. I was a warrior. I battled through my challenges with my vision, my willpower, and my work ethic.
And yet this year, the script flipped.
When I started to TRULY connect with Source…
When I said yes to leading from my heart and flowing in my feminine…
When I accepted the new feminine rising paradigm, none of my old warrior tricks worked anymore.
Suddenly, the Universe would not let me off the hook. Ways of running my business stopped working, patterns of numbing out stopped working, methods of controlling the outcome stopped working.
And I just had to surrender.
Life did not go remotely like my plan. And, yet, every single piece of it was perfect.
Every single shared laugh. Every late night conversation. Every ill-fitting job. Every bizarre crush. Every heartbreak. Every party. Every move. Every sobfest. All of it.
I would have it no other way.
This year I started to ask Source to use me however she would like. That I am unattached to what it looks like.
But that’s sort of a lie.
Yes, I’ve graduated from the bossy little girl to the humbled servant of Source – the majority of the time. I am able to be relatively detached from the plan. I am ready to go and do whatever will be of the highest service. Whatever will have the most impact. Whatever can best heal the planet. Because my soul knows this is my job in this lifetime.
But the one asterisk to this prayer is always “but please whatever you do, don’t assign me the role of the spinster childless healer.”
This is a place where I haven’t been able to surrender. Where I continue to watch the battle between my human desire and what may be my soul’s destiny.
Even just typing out “my soul’s destiny” scares the crap out of me because it makes it a possibility.
The other phenomenon I’ve been observing is my envy of men. How trapped and suffocated I feel by my own feminine body. And how much I desire to have the freedom of time. How, even if I overhaul my own internalized patriarchy, I cannot overhaul my physiology.
Yes, I would like a child. AND the truth is I’m really enjoying my time with myself right now.
And I wouldn’t be thinking about pregnancy as much as I do if I knew I could get pregnant 10 years from now without difficulty.
But for most women, this is one thing we cannot will ourselves out of. It’s a biological reality.
And although it wasn’t the only reason, it was one of the primary reasons my last partner fled the relationship. The perceived pressure of partnership with an “aging” woman.
And this is a pattern I see. This catch-22 I observe. Men fearing to date me because I am clear about my desire – and with it, the assumption that just because I really want a family, that I’m desperate enough to put aside my discernment.
But I know me. I want my child. I want MY child with MY King. Not the first nice guy who comes around the corner. And that makes this even more challenging.
Because I will wait an eternity to find my king. But my ovaries aren’t as romantic.
Nowadays in most areas of my life, especially my business, it NEVER looks like what I want. The second I want it, it does not happen. The second I don’t, something comes knocking on my door.
It’s quite interesting. This dance between desire and detachment. And it’s more than just that.
As my roommate and dear friend, Rachael Maddox, so beautifully reflected tome, my system goes from hyper-drive to hypo-shutdown. These are trauma responses my nervous system learned from growing up in a war and having no control over my environment. So I learned to either fight with hypervigilant strength or to completely shutdown and disassociate. Because in my system the story was if I desire something, I must FIGHT the world for it. In my system, to detach I must disassociate completely from the desire.
So my deepest spiritual work has been to find the gear in between – in business, in romance, with money, with self-love. How to desire AND detach. How to want without control. How to love without agenda. How to lead with heart.
And as my wise coach, Jody England always says: It can be “this” AND “that”. I can be heartbroken and hopeful. I canbe longing and loving. I can be happy for my friends and lonely about not having my own family. The dance of ANDS. Because that is the gear I’m looking for. One where I can roll up my sleeves and take reign of my destiny while trusting the taste of sweet surrender.
(*but please God/ddess, whatever you do, don’t assign me the role of the spinster childless healer.”)
Your body is the most exquisite piece of art.
You start off life a white canvas. A blank page. You are born of essence, pure love. And very quickly life begins to paint herself onto your body with her bright yellows and her dark browns, moments of joy in turquoise and periods of pain in red.
You are born with beautifully open energy points, chakras, from the base of your spine to the crown of your head.
But if you had a rich and complex life, your body has probably experienced places where she has blossomed like a beautiful flower and other places where she has shrunken, withered and dried up.
Similar to a flower, we need energy, we need life force, we need kundalini energy to flow through us in order to stay vibrant, alive and fully nourished.
This month, I painted a memory map of my body. I charted my entire life experience so far on the landscape of my body – and looking at my life so clearly drawn out on my body, I was BLOWN AWAY. By the heartache and the beauty etched on my body… By the clear places where I did not hold to my body’s YES and my body’s NO… By the places that shutdown to protect me and the places that stayed open to teach me.
The potency inspired me to flesh it out into a process I take womxn through on their journey to embodiment.
Have you ever sat down and mapped out your life on your body? It is INSANELY powerful to see it visually.
I’d love to be able to guide you through this process, here’s how:
A 2-hour phone session where we dive deep into what is stopping you from feeling embodied and connected to your feminine, sensual body.
An Embody Intensive might be a great fit for you if:
- You’ve been wanting to experience embodiment coaching with me but aren’t sure if you want to commit to a long-term container yet …
- You’re ready to nix the resistance to nourishing your body and you want to get clear on the root of your resistance…
- You’re craving a customized embodiment practice that fits into your routine & schedule and reflects your personality & goals….
- You’re craving a reboot, a refresher, a remembering of how good it feels to reconnect with your sensuality…
- You’re overwhelmed by the protocols, diets, cleanses, detoxes and just want a simple way to love up on your body that doesn’t involve deprivation and measuring every little thing you put in your mouth.
- You are desiring more range in how you show up in the world. You want to feel safe and confident to embody your pleasure, your power AND your play.
- And of course, because you are interested in walking away with a clear memory map of your body and how to revitalize the parts of your body that have come offline.
The beautiful intricate landscape of your body is also the terrain in which you find both the caves and the treasures in the caves.
For many of us, it’s terrifying to even explore the darkness of the caves, which is why guidance with a trauma-sensitive & trained coach who has been body reading and supporting womxn on their embodiment journey for nearly 10 years, can really help you feel safe and held during the process.
I would love to be that guide for you.
And for this week only (because I’m SO excited about my new signature Memory Mapping Process) I’m offering my Embody Intensives, which normally go for $497 for half the price.
This means for $249, you will receive a 2-hour coaching session where we dive deep into what is stopping you from feeling confident, powerful and free in your feminine body – along with practical and customized embodiment practices to implement instantly after our session. These will be based on the memory map we create.
This special is only available for this week and I only have 10 spots open this month for these intensives, so if you’re feeling a pull, I’d love to support you.
(You can purchase this week and book anytime in the next 30 days. Once you have completed your purchase, you will receive an email with a link to book your Embody Intensive.)