Why You Are Not Attracting Your “King”

Why You Are Not Attracting Your “King”

 

Around this time last year, I found myself in Tulum, in circle with a group of wonderful sisters. On this particular day of the retreat, we were doing hot seats. Everyone got a dedicated 20 minutes to share and get feedback on a challenge in their life.

Being that this was a mastermind-style setting, my mind directly went to the laundry list of challenges in my business.

Did I want to talk about my challenge with marketing? Best financial practices? The difficult conversation I need to have with someone on my team?

As we went around the circle, I wondered which would be the most valuable topic to talk about.

And then it was my time.

Out of my mouth came… “So… My desire is to become a channel of divine, unconditional love.”

What.
The.
Actual.
Fuck.
That wasn’t on my laundry list…

I thought I was going to solve a practical business problem today.

The moment I said it, I could hear my mind and my ego already judging me and screaming at me for wasting the most precious 20 minutes of this retreat that I invested in to talk about “Being Love” (cue mocking tone).

Can’t I just figure that one out myself?

Also, what sort of concrete feedback are these women going to share with me on THAT!?!?

What I had no idea at the time was that this statement would propel me on a journey of going deep to:

🖤 Finding all the places where I was still loving conditionally
🖤 All the places where I needed someone to be a certain way for me to open my heart.
🖤 Where I needed someone to prove to me they were trustable BEFORE I radiated my natural inclination to love them.

Through a series of initiations this last year, I’ve come to realize that on that day, amongst my dearest friends and trusted coach, in a beautiful land by the water, my soul intervened with this channeled message.

My higher self just could not watch me waste any more time getting distracted by how much money to spend on FB ads, or which Myers Briggs personality type to hire for my assistant… not to say that none of this is important…

However, my higher self was rolling up her sleeves and was like “Alright, let’s cut to the chase. Let’s strip you of all this unnecessary BS. Why are you here? You are here to be a vessel of unconditional love. How are you going to make that shit happen?”

And so I dove in.

And I want to invite you to dive in.

Take some time to explore…

To explore where all the places that you still love conditionally are…

Where are all the places where you could get so much more joy and ecstasy and aliveness out of opening your heart?

Sure, you’ll also get grief, pain, heartache, and sadness but the moment we stop letting fear stop us from opening our heart…

The moment we stop letting the fear of heartbreak stop us from loving…

That’s when we can start to truly become a vessel of unconditional love.

(Want to explore this together? We will be doing this in circle for 11 weeks in Embodied Union.)

Embodied Union

And the reason it’s so important to become a vessel of unconditional love is because all the pain and suffering you see in the world is a result of conditional love.

Think about it.

The programming of working until midnight…
The addiction to numbing out all our feelings…
The challenges in your partnership or your dating life…

Because on some level, we experience and then we replicate: “I will only give you love if you give me this.”

As kids, we learn before we are able to bathe or feed or shelter ourselves, that we require the love and attention of an adult caregiver to survive.

So when you’re a baby:

Love literally equals survival.
And no love literally equals death.

We learn that love is transactional.
That love is an exchange.
That love is conditional.

So over time, we begin to model what we learned as babies. “I give you this so you give me that.“

But that’s not truly what divine love is. Love wants nothing from anyone. Love just wants to express, to emote, to exist. Love wants to pulsate and move. Love just wants to be. Free. With no conditions.

Continuing to dole out conditional love means you are stuck in a child’s reality.
Continuing to say I love you ONLY if you act this way, look this way, become this way for me
Or
Continuing to use someone else’s unconscious fear of death/losing love to hold their heart hostage is a child’s way of operating.

This is codependent.
This is transactional.
This is the world view of a child.

And as long as you walk around with that version of love as your compass, you can never step into being a Queen. And that means you will definitely not attract your King.

It’s time for all of us to work harder on peeling away EVERYTHING that is still stopping us from loving unconditionally.

We will do that together in Embodied Union, the group I’m bringing together right now.

We begin May 22.

And this is for a select 11 womxn ONLY.

The doors are open.

** If you sign up in the next 4 days (until Sunday midnight PST), you will also receive a bonus 1-hour coaching call with me! ** (valued at $299)

I would love to support you in magnetizing your King or evoking the King out of your current partner.

Do you just want to be HEARD & HELD?

Do you just want to be HEARD & HELD?

 

You think you want one thing from your man… but what you need is something else completely.

We are modeled certain ways of relating in mainstream culture. But it’s clearly not working. Everyone feels lonely, stuck or like they’ve cut off a limb in exchange for the security of being in a relationship.

The readjustment is quite simple. It requires two ingredients. But simple doesn’t mean that it’s easy to implement. In fact, it’s hard AF. But it’s absolutely worth it.

So if you’re a woman feeling stuck, lonely, isolated in your love life, keep reading.

Let me share a story with you…

Last week, I had one of those #bosslady days where I spent the day putting out a massive fire in my business. Between hours with tech support, solving complicated problems and having to set some clear boundaries, I got to 5pm and was absolutely exhausted.

All I wanted to do was curl into a ball on my patio and pour myself a glass of wine and smoke a cigarette alone. I felt I deserved a “break” from feeling and could do what normal people do to relax at the end of the day.

Except I had booked myself a massage and had promised the man I was seeing I would be at his place at 7pm for a sweet surprise he had planned for us.

Although, I’m not known to ever say NO to a massage, that day was so stressful that I didn’t even want a massage. I didn’t want anyone to even touch me. Everything in me was like DON’T GO!!!!! CANCEL. STAY HOME. DO YOU.

But I knew better. I knew that this version of me, that has to isolate, shut down and numb out to replenish was getting bored with this tactic. I figured getting quiet for an hour while someone moved the tension would inevitably help me drop back into my body – at least a little.

I got to his place, massaged but definitely still not relaxed, and as I parked, I heard it again: DON’T GO! GO BACK HOME. THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY!

I’m sure you can tell from my caps that I was literally shouting at myself. Yeah, that’s exactly the stress level 10 I was operating on. And this was AFTER the massage, lol.

I’ve done enough polarity work at this point to know that I was NOT in my feminine, goddess, receptive, soft energy AT ALL. I was wound up, in fight or flight mode and ready to pounce on anything that touched me.

Luckily for me, I am seeing a man who has cultivated such depth in his consciousness and masculinity, that he continuously asks me to bring him everything.

I was hesitant at first. I felt contracted, scared and didn’t want to mess with the romantic vibe. I kept finding excuses not to go into details. I could hear the voices of past partners who didn’t want to hear it or who would hear it and try to “fix” it.

But he just kept encouraging me to share.

What happened next was profoundly healing on so many levels for me.

I realized all I ever need from the masculine in my life is to be heard and held.

Because that’s exactly what happened.

He sat in front of me, fully focused, and listened attentively to every word, every fear, every frustration, every feeling that was pulsating through my body.

And everytime I thought I was done, he would say “what else?”… and more would pour out.

Until it was done. I had emptied the emotional bucket, completely.

Then, instead of saying anything, he walked behind me and wrapped his arms around me and asked me to lean back. And then he quietly held me until every single muscle in my body softened.

As we sat there breathing together, I realized, this is it.

I don’t want a man to come in and solve my business problem like a strategist.

I don’t want a man to empathize with me like my girlfriends would.

I just want him to hear me and then hold me.

Man and Woman

This whole process took somewhere around an hour and before I knew it, I was fully relaxed, present and in my joy. I was soft, I was receptive and I was feeling nourished as we spent the rest of the night enjoying what he had planned.

Had we not taken that hour, I would have engaged with him all night, disconnected, closed and in a battle with my mind. Instead, we had a beautiful embodied evening and by the time I went to bed, I felt like my cup was full and I was so nourished and actually excited for the next day of work.

That initial impulse to isolate and give myself a break from “feeling” turned out to be the exact opposite of what I needed. What I needed was to feel it all. And to be witnessed in feeling that all.

And instead of trying to act different than how I felt, I got encouraged to to be with what was without needing to change it at all.

To be heard and to be held. This is it.

It’s more nourishing for everyone. And instead of a date night where there’s an underlying disconnection and lots of time checking your phone, you get a date night filled with the deepest intimacy your hearts can imagine.

It’s just that simple.

During our time together in Embodied Union, the group program I’m currently enrolling, I will be bringing in different evolved, conscious men to guest teach the 11 phenomenally-brave womxn joining us.

They will be here TO HEAR US AND HOLD US so we can crack open our Hearts and reconnect with our Masculine & Feminine Energies and heal the relationship between the two… both inside of us and externally with the men in our lives.

As someone who has worked in womxn-only spaces for over ten years, I appreciate the safety that comes with sisterhood – AND there’s only so much work we can do in that insulated container.

Now our work has become about Embodied Union.
My work has become about Embodied Union
.

Our work is about allowing these wonderful men to mirror the depths of our wounds and show us all the places that we are still asking them, and asking ourselves, to be something we are not.

Feeling the pull to learn more about this work?

The doors to Embodied Union are open ALL THIS WEEK and I’m only taking 11 womxn in total. So grab your spot while it’s still there!

(The spots are going quickly because I’m offering it at a deliciously-discounted price this first round.)

Join us HERE.

Are you finding yourself “mothering” your partner?

Are you finding yourself “mothering” your partner?

 

In the last week, I’ve had SO MANY conversations with women, for both my Embodied Union group (doors just opened!) and my private practice, and the same question has come up over and over.

“How on earth did I end up mothering this man? When all I want is to feel like a queen.”

You look at your relationship and it looks like this resentful dance of swallowing the angry words that want to come out of your mouth when you see the trash STILL hasn’t been taken out and then lashing out when you see him sitting on the couch zoning out to a game or binging Netflix.

His response: “Babe, I’m just trying to relax for a bit. I’ll do it later.”

Or maybe your man is fucking GREAT at taking out the trash.

My former partner was.
But it didn’t matter.

I still had so many places where I wanted to share my frustration, my pain, my disappointment and I would swallow it.

Often times, it wasn’t even conscious.

In fact, towards the end of the relationship, I didn’t even know why I was irritated. I just walked around turned off, annoyed and ready to pounce on any little thing.

We end up unconsciously mothering when we feel the need to manage their experience because we haven’t managed our own.
Their experience becomes our experience.
Instead of taking care of ourselves, we walk around coddling them.

(This, btw, is total codependency. But we don’t realize it because most relationships modeled & marketed to us as healthy ARE IN FACT codependent.)

And of course, that’s going to fizzle ANY leftover chemistry there ever was.

The truth is instead of mothering our partner, what we really need to do is mother ourselves.

I know you are trying hard. I know you want it to be different.

But despite our efforts, here are the different ways we are still not fully showing up in the relationship:

  • We are scared to share our heart and be too much.
  • We are freaked out to speak our truth and be judged for it.
  • We aren’t even sure WHAT we need because we’ve spent years casting aside any desires – in fear that we won’t get them met – so we don’t even connect to them.
  • No one taught us how to have challenging conversations in a loving way.
  • No one modeled self-loving boundaries for us in a way that creates a win-win situation for both people.
  • And lots more…

ocean wave

When my partner ended things, I was SO fixated on the fact that he walked away from the team. I felt betrayed, shattered, totally heartbroken.

What I realized after 18 months of doing my own work was that I was never fully on the team… That’s why he left. 

Had you asked me back then if I was on the team, I would have said 150%, I was on the team!!!! I’m loyal AF, had my sleeves rolled up and was ready to fight till death for our relationship to work.

I loved him with my entire being….
I spent every moment trying to create the best life for us…
I was constantly grateful for all the ways he made my life amazing…

“I was ON the team”, I would have said.

What I didn’t realize then was that I wasn’t on my own team.
That I wasn’t championing me.
And without championing “me”, I couldn’t champion the “we”. 

… By rejecting my own inner feminine, by choosing to hold back my own pain, I was saying “no” to me.
… By not cultivating trust in my inner masculine, by not learning to self-regulate and support myself, I was saying “no” to our sacred union.
… By not surrendering to open-hearted, in-the-moment expression, and not speaking my truth every single time, I was not showing up for the relationship.

I was running an old program that said “showing my fullness would drive him away.”

Instead what happened was the exact opposite. NOT showing my fullness drove him away.

The more I talk to women of all ages, the more I’m seeing the amount of ache and loneliness in your hearts.

I was you. I am you. When I learned to “mother” myself, that’s when I was able to step into queendom and attract the external masculine I was so deeply craving.

Join me in stepping into queendom.

Let me guide you back to your birthright of ecstasy, emotionality and deep intimacy.

If you’re looking to join a circle of women coached by me, with hot, conscious masculine guest teachers (including my former partner!)

…. check out Embodied Union:

An Intimate Community Coaching program to help us crack open our Hearts and 
reconnect with our Masculine & Feminine Energies through the doorway of our bodies.

The doors just opened. 

If you’d rather deep dive privately with me, my private practice is nearly completely booked out. I have ONE more spot (maybe TWO if I fall in love with you.) APPLY HERE.