“How on earth did I end up mothering this man? When all I want is to feel like a queen.”
You look at your relationship and it looks like this resentful dance of swallowing the angry words that want to come out of your mouth when you see the trash STILL hasn’t been taken out and then lashing out when you see him sitting on the couch zoning out to a game or binging Netflix.
His response: “Babe, I’m just trying to relax for a bit. I’ll do it later.”
Or maybe your man is fucking GREAT at taking out the trash.
My former partner was.
But it didn’t matter.
I still had so many places where I wanted to share my frustration, my pain, my disappointment and I would swallow it.
Often times, it wasn’t even conscious.
In fact, towards the end of the relationship, I didn’t even know why I was irritated. I just walked around turned off, annoyed and ready to pounce on any little thing.
We end up unconsciously mothering when we feel the need to manage their experience because we haven’t managed our own.
Their experience becomes our experience.
Instead of taking care of ourselves, we walk around coddling them.
(This, btw, is total codependency. But we don’t realize it because most relationships modeled & marketed to us as healthy ARE IN FACT codependent.)
And of course, that’s going to fizzle ANY leftover chemistry there ever was.
The truth is instead of mothering our partner, what we really need to do is mother ourselves.
I know you are trying hard. I know you want it to be different.
But despite our efforts, here are the different ways we are still not fully showing up in the relationship:
- We are scared to share our heart and be too much.
- We are freaked out to speak our truth and be judged for it.
- We aren’t even sure WHAT we need because we’ve spent years casting aside any desires – in fear that we won’t get them met – so we don’t even connect to them.
- No one taught us how to have challenging conversations in a loving way.
- No one modeled self-loving boundaries for us in a way that creates a win-win situation for both people.
- And lots more…
When my partner ended things, I was SO fixated on the fact that he walked away from the team. I felt betrayed, shattered, totally heartbroken.
What I realized after 18 months of doing my own work was that I was never fully on the team… That’s why he left.
Had you asked me back then if I was on the team, I would have said 150%, I was on the team!!!! I’m loyal AF, had my sleeves rolled up and was ready to fight till death for our relationship to work.
I loved him with my entire being….
I spent every moment trying to create the best life for us…
I was constantly grateful for all the ways he made my life amazing…
“I was ON the team”, I would have said.
What I didn’t realize then was that I wasn’t on my own team.
That I wasn’t championing me.
And without championing “me”, I couldn’t champion the “we”.
… By rejecting my own inner feminine, by choosing to hold back my own pain, I was saying “no” to me.
… By not cultivating trust in my inner masculine, by not learning to self-regulate and support myself, I was saying “no” to our sacred union.
… By not surrendering to open-hearted, in-the-moment expression, and not speaking my truth every single time, I was not showing up for the relationship.
I was running an old program that said “showing my fullness would drive him away.”
Instead what happened was the exact opposite. NOT showing my fullness drove him away.
The more I talk to women of all ages, the more I’m seeing the amount of ache and loneliness in your hearts.
I was you. I am you. When I learned to “mother” myself, that’s when I was able to step into queendom and attract the external masculine I was so deeply craving.
Join me in stepping into queendom.
Let me guide you back to your birthright of ecstasy, emotionality and deep intimacy.
If you’re looking to join a circle of women coached by me, with hot, conscious masculine guest teachers (including my former partner!)
…. check out Embodied Union:
An Intimate Community Coaching program to help us crack open our Hearts and
reconnect with our Masculine & Feminine Energies through the doorway of our bodies.
The doors just opened.
If you’d rather deep dive privately with me, my private practice is nearly completely booked out. I have ONE more spot (maybe TWO if I fall in love with you.) APPLY HERE.