You think you want one thing from your man… but what you need is something else completely.
We are modeled certain ways of relating in mainstream culture. But it’s clearly not working. Everyone feels lonely, stuck or like they’ve cut off a limb in exchange for the security of being in a relationship.
The readjustment is quite simple. It requires two ingredients. But simple doesn’t mean that it’s easy to implement. In fact, it’s hard AF. But it’s absolutely worth it.
So if you’re a woman feeling stuck, lonely, isolated in your love life, keep reading.
Let me share a story with you…
Last week, I had one of those #bosslady days where I spent the day putting out a massive fire in my business. Between hours with tech support, solving complicated problems and having to set some clear boundaries, I got to 5pm and was absolutely exhausted.
All I wanted to do was curl into a ball on my patio and pour myself a glass of wine and smoke a cigarette alone. I felt I deserved a “break” from feeling and could do what normal people do to relax at the end of the day.
Except I had booked myself a massage and had promised the man I was seeing I would be at his place at 7pm for a sweet surprise he had planned for us.
Although, I’m not known to ever say NO to a massage, that day was so stressful that I didn’t even want a massage. I didn’t want anyone to even touch me. Everything in me was like DON’T GO!!!!! CANCEL. STAY HOME. DO YOU.
But I knew better. I knew that this version of me, that has to isolate, shut down and numb out to replenish was getting bored with this tactic. I figured getting quiet for an hour while someone moved the tension would inevitably help me drop back into my body – at least a little.
I got to his place, massaged but definitely still not relaxed, and as I parked, I heard it again: DON’T GO! GO BACK HOME. THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY!
I’m sure you can tell from my caps that I was literally shouting at myself. Yeah, that’s exactly the stress level 10 I was operating on. And this was AFTER the massage, lol.
I’ve done enough polarity work at this point to know that I was NOT in my feminine, goddess, receptive, soft energy AT ALL. I was wound up, in fight or flight mode and ready to pounce on anything that touched me.
Luckily for me, I am seeing a man who has cultivated such depth in his consciousness and masculinity, that he continuously asks me to bring him everything.
I was hesitant at first. I felt contracted, scared and didn’t want to mess with the romantic vibe. I kept finding excuses not to go into details. I could hear the voices of past partners who didn’t want to hear it or who would hear it and try to “fix” it.
But he just kept encouraging me to share.
What happened next was profoundly healing on so many levels for me.
I realized all I ever need from the masculine in my life is to be heard and held.
Because that’s exactly what happened.
He sat in front of me, fully focused, and listened attentively to every word, every fear, every frustration, every feeling that was pulsating through my body.
And everytime I thought I was done, he would say “what else?”… and more would pour out.
Until it was done. I had emptied the emotional bucket, completely.
Then, instead of saying anything, he walked behind me and wrapped his arms around me and asked me to lean back. And then he quietly held me until every single muscle in my body softened.
As we sat there breathing together, I realized, this is it.
I don’t want a man to come in and solve my business problem like a strategist.
I don’t want a man to empathize with me like my girlfriends would.
I just want him to hear me and then hold me.
This whole process took somewhere around an hour and before I knew it, I was fully relaxed, present and in my joy. I was soft, I was receptive and I was feeling nourished as we spent the rest of the night enjoying what he had planned.
Had we not taken that hour, I would have engaged with him all night, disconnected, closed and in a battle with my mind. Instead, we had a beautiful embodied evening and by the time I went to bed, I felt like my cup was full and I was so nourished and actually excited for the next day of work.
That initial impulse to isolate and give myself a break from “feeling” turned out to be the exact opposite of what I needed. What I needed was to feel it all. And to be witnessed in feeling that all.
And instead of trying to act different than how I felt, I got encouraged to to be with what was without needing to change it at all.
To be heard and to be held. This is it.
It’s more nourishing for everyone. And instead of a date night where there’s an underlying disconnection and lots of time checking your phone, you get a date night filled with the deepest intimacy your hearts can imagine.
It’s just that simple.
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During our time together in Embodied Union, the group program I’m currently enrolling, I will be bringing in different evolved, conscious men to guest teach the 11 phenomenally-brave woman joining us.
They will be here TO HEAR US AND HOLD US so we can crack open our Hearts and reconnect with our Masculine & Feminine Energies and heal the relationship between the two… both inside of us and externally with the men in our lives.
As someone who has worked in woman-only spaces for over ten years, I appreciate the safety that comes with sisterhood – AND there’s only so much work we can do in that insulated container.
Now our work has become about Embodied Union.
My work has become about Embodied Union.
Our work is about allowing these wonderful men to mirror the depths of our wounds and show us all the places that we are still asking them, and asking ourselves, to be something we are not.
Feeling the pull to learn more about this work?
The doors to Embodied Union are open ALL THIS WEEK and I’m only taking 11 woman in total. So grab your spot while it’s still there!
(The spots are going quickly because I’m offering it at a deliciously-discounted price this first round.)
Join us HERE.